Who has time to date properly when you’re beating Two-Face upside the head?

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Craigslist posting: M seeking F
Common Application for Online Dating

Applicant Name: Wayne, Bruce
Preferred Name: Dark Knight (but don’t tell anyone)
Birth Date: Year of Our Lord 1939
Zodiac Sign: Leo
Sex: Male
Email: notbatman@wayneenterprises.com
IM: jokerislamesauce
Twitter: @Isn’tHeathLedger

Home address: Wayne Manor, Palisades, Gotham

Parents: Deceased
Guardian: Formerly Alfred Pennyworth

Education:
College: Princeton University
Grad School: The mountains of southeast Asia institute for ninja arts

Life Goals: To make enough money to fund my vigilantism

Interests: I enjoy long walks on rooftops,
-Stalking criminals,
-Creeping in cop commissioner’s houses
-Stopping total world destruction
-Causing damages in my highly phallic vehicle.
-Listening to Morgan Freeman describe new inventions.
-I like black leather, just putting it out there.
It may be a fetish.
-Also, there isn’t a selection in the drop bar for my income (GothamProblems)

Seeking:
-Someone to spend about 5 minutes of free time with (that’s all I need, don’t worry!)
-A woman who’s willing to be the trump card of my enemies.
-Also, no cat ladies.

Qualifications:
-Featured in the 27th comic book EVER
-Looks: a combination of Michael Keaton, Val Kilmer, George Clooney and Christian Bale.
-Putting you in life threatening danger then rescuing you dramatically in the nick of time. I may have messed this up before. But it’s rare. So no worries.
-My lovely butler will cook you breakfast the morning after
-I’ve heard bats are quite similar to those sparkling bloodsuckers that have women revisit their inhibitions of being bitten. I’d be willing to try that.
-I’m not looking for true love, because everyone that I grew close to doesn’t make it past one sequel. Except Alfred. That man will live as long as films exist.

Essay: (draws bat signal)
I’m less of a talker and more of a doer. Don’t expect long conversations ever really. Also, I may have to leave before you get yours if the bat signal shows up. Sorry in advance.

Signed: BW

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One thought on “Who has time to date properly when you’re beating Two-Face upside the head?

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