iPad mishaps and Hobbes


Calvin (if he were a girl)

She looks old for her age
like eighty between her teeth
(which is where one can often tell
years of wisdom
and whether broccoli is on the menu
in the cafeteria
but she would only eat it
to freak out the boy
next to her)

Maybe like Dorothy
she stole the feet of
a compass queen
and now wears them around her wrists
so she can gallop about as if
she were a samurai tiger

Maybe she builds
snow creatures atop fire hydrants
so they will throw up on passing
snowball-throwing children

Maybe she hasn’t cleaned
her room in ages
leaving makeup and clothes piled
crazily high
for the sole purpose
of playing super villain
and stomping a city
to the ground

Despite this killer instinct philosophy
the sage in polka dot pajamas
carries a lifelong beanie baby
beside herself at all times
Her stuffed animal is
the version of American cheese
that everyone eats and sleeps with
because it’s genetically modified
to be sweeter than the competition
And it doesn’t melt
Even when the floor is lava

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