Life is like a box of mutations; you never know which one will destroy the world

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The problem with superpowers

First off
the odds of an awesome mutation are smaller than
winning big at a traveling casino
Unless you’re born on krypton or
belong to an ancient race of crazy
fictional freaks
The best technique is to sniff around laboratories
or nuclear facilities
These options are more risky
and can lead to defects like “evil genius syndrome”

Maybe find a creature that will transfer its features to you
The leader of a secret society or wild animal will do just fine
Warning: for the worst case scenario
there’s no survival guide
You do not want to know the worst case scenario
But hint: it involves Armageddon
and little chance of a sequel

Don’t build a suit of armor to
charm bad guys into submission
If you dont lose it first
a villain will inevitably
find your blueprints and improve upon them
like removing capes because they’re stupid
and you will spend the rest of your marvelous life
in an arms race to make your iron strongest
destroying the world in the process

Given the choice
don’t ever choose shapeshifting
It always turns into that Arabian evening where the two
genies are duking it out and each has to one up the other
(mole
vs cat
vs static electricity
vs Zeus
vs monotheism
vs occupy wall street
vs soap, etc)
You don’t want to be caught in a perpetual
Itchy and Scratchy time zone

Much better to forgo the battle royale and
rock out the power of messing with the periodic table
because physics is way to unpredictable
even with super strength
to be bent in anything but comic books

4 thoughts on “Life is like a box of mutations; you never know which one will destroy the world

  1. Nice, as always. I’m not sure what kind of superpower I’d choose. Likely the ability to time-travel. I can think of all kinds of eff-ups to repair, plus I can eliminate my enemies before they’re big enough to do anything about it.

    “Why are you hitting yourself? Why are you hitting yourself? Why are you hitting yourself?” That would be swell.

  2. Haha shape shift off. When I was little I was convinced that if I focused enough energy on an object, I could manipulate it. I’ve spent a lot of time disappointing myself. I really thought I was special. 😛

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