Versatile Blogger Confession, and Contest News!

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Hey friends,
I believe I kept you in suspense long enough.
It must be rough refreshing WordPress
every five minutes or so to check
whether the versatile lie became uncovered.
Now, after two whole days of waiting for the great reveal,
I’m happy to tell you the truth will out.
If you have no idea what I’m talking about,
go ahead and click here to be brought up to speed.
Drumroll please…

In all honesty, I was never expelled for changing in public;
Though I did get into a load of trouble in high school,
That’s a story best saved for later, when we’ve all had a few too many.

If you want to go to my OkCupid account to verify its existence, you can check it out here.

If you want a cookbook preview/private viewing, don’t hesitate to email.

And if you want to learn the secrets to healing bones, muscles and other tissue, then I have bad news for you; Stan Lee took back our immortal superpowers in order to make epic movies. But fear not, tea and peanut butter help the road to recovery pass in the fast lane while avoiding a speeding ticket.

Finally, you all have one more day to get your poems/stories/etc in for the contest! To remind you, the theme is Arabian Nights. Good luck, have fun
And enjoy the inspiration below:
(thanks Sarahpotter for sharing the idea of this piece)

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Hocus pocus
That’s what they called it
Aka magic,
Aka abracadabra.
A warning to Sahara wanderers
who venture into the desert
expecting to defeat the Exodus’ record
because now gps is universal
and they will be lost only as long as
they’re searching for a strong satellite signal.

But beware, they will say
at the last rest stop for a million miles
for not long ago
they warn that there lived a camel herder
who shepherded sparkling plastics
across the magic dunes
and sold them as precious gems
to the residents of Agrabah.

One of the Bedouin’s treks ended abruptly
when a sandstorm swept up
and swallowed the sky like
The Mummy with a ravenous appetite,
or an appetite for Ravens.
But worry not, at this stage in the tale
our hero emerged unscathed, and unharmed.
However, the peddler lost this way
and spent the next few days
praying for an oasis and getting
an increasingly higher chance
of catching melanoma.

He conjured up the home remedy
of rubbing camel spit on his
ever increasing sunburn
as there was no aloe available,
plus the camels didn’t seem
bothered by the heat in the least.
And for the same reasons that
pets look like their owners
the shepherd started taking on characteristics
of the dromedary creatures.
His caravan was found days later
with an extra camel in tow
and no sign of an owner.

Perhaps the sands and dunes
were tired of being used
as unwitting accomplices to rip people off.

Perhaps a genie lost a bet and was sent to
take vengeance for a young street rat,
whose family of Agraban jewelers was
ruined by plastic competition.

Perhaps even
the fool did it to himself,
the rest stop attendants will muse.
Whatever the case, they will warn you
to make waves away from the sunbaked place
Unless of course you carry
The Book of the Dead,
which can be purchased readily from the gift shop.

One thought on “Versatile Blogger Confession, and Contest News!

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