Since when did everyone speak Parseltongue?

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Photo Courtesy of J. Grant Knud-Hansen

Imagine you’re a snake, right?
A striped creature of striated muscle
and sneakiness.
A Slytherin.
And one day,
while you’re slithering along
in the forest or
in a terrarium or
in the Garden of Eden,
you spy a shiny apple
lying sideways on the ground.

As you wonder why an evil witch
dropped Snow White’s fix
in the wilderness,
you notice another reptile hungrily eyeing the prize.
As the most logical of serpentine animals,
you organize a debate deciding
who should consume the fruit.

Your snake opponent chooses to speak first.
He claims he’s gained an eternity of experience
from eating fruit before,
and knows how to feast upon the apple
most efficiently.

You go the nice route,
and make the argument that
you will share the wealth so everyone
can taste a piece of sweet produce.

However, while duking it out,
people get wise without you
and leave the garden,
for they are no longer hungry
for bullshit.

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