Crime fighting: How To


The Prince of Justice starts his shift
with spandex a little more
constricting than usual.
He’s been diligent cleaning bits
of chocolate off his lips,
but it’s impossible to destroy all evidence.

There is a massive,
unhealthy quantity of family-pack
candy wrappers hidden under
orange peels in his trash bin:

Someone was trying to conceal
his true dinner with the skins of healthy fruit,
but he’s not fooling anyone.

The cocoa residue alone
(left on the plastic paper
meant to protect against sticky fingers)
could put a dog in a coma,
but it’s the key to the Prince’s
special abilities.

Justice discovered the secret that
hero powers could be buried
inside some brands of Halloween candy,
but only days of the year
ending in a Glycemic Index of
above the legal limit.

Driving under the influence of
sugar intoxication, The Prince of Justice
speeds through the haunted Gotham streets
with way too much sugar-rush
to be anything but dangerous,
but with just enough energy to
defeat evil enemies
and other criminal masterminds
like the Lied-Reciever
(who got better grades than the Prince
in high school, but only by 1 or 5 percent.
Besides, he cheated).

Tonight, the city needs his extra-sweet high,
for the sidewalks are covered
with demons, monsters and supervillains
begging for a slice
of fun-sized destruction.

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