I’ve fallen on hard times.
It all started when I sold the shirt off my back
to hack my DNA.
To pay off my gambling debts,
I let them brave my anatomy
and genetically modify my extremities
with another pair of arms and legs,
probably from another debtor
who couldn’t settle his account.
Luckily, I could feed my gambling addiction
and play two machines at once
maybe four on a good day
if my feet were feeling particularly dexterous.
But instead of getting rich,
I lost my money twice as quickly.
Casinos wouldn’t loan me money
farther than they could throw me
which started to occur more and more often
until I was left with just my skintight birthday suit.
The jokes on me,
I’ve been naked in this Tailor’s room for centuries
waiting for him to take my measurements.
To those who have been staring at my exposed
naughty bits as the years have passed
I’Il have you know,
it’s quite cold in this canvas
and I’m normally much more impressive.