Run, run as fast as you can

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Run, run as fast as you can

It was a week ago that you stole the recipe
from the Muffin Man, hoping to make a pastry
that they would write into a nursery rhyme,
or even better, a fairy tale
or even worse, a Disney movie.

You made a terrible mistake
trusting the paper hidden in the baker’s pocket.

It began innocently in the kitchen.
You donned a lab coat and
goggles because “safety first”
and tied your hair haphazardly in Scrunchies
to both keep it from catching fire
and to resemble a mad scientist because after all,
you were experimenting with baking
and had to look the part of a Dr. Frankenstein.

Sure, you raided the pantry,
but every good chemistry demo
needs secret ingredients
and where else were you going to find
liquid nitrogen and strawberries,
or cilantro and ice cream
or peanut butter and croissants?

Mixing them all together with a cheese grater
while shouting “give my creation life,”
may have sounded like a good idea at first,
but by the floor’s standards
it would have been cleaner and taken less time
to throw baby food on the floor.

You tried to hide the evidence in the microwave,
but cooked the ingredients on “high” instead.

You are going to be in so much trouble
when your folks come home.

They may not notice the missing ingredients,
but they are sure to see the wake of destruction
left by what appears to be a Dorothy
who laid waste to the kitchen.

They’ll wonder why the kitchen suddenly resembles the
wicked witch’s legs post-wizard incident,

and why a little man escaped the house
born the same way girls are made.

Created entirely from pastry and spice,
he’s running through the countryside
challenging the world’s greatest runners

to a foot race.

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