REQUEST FOR URGENT BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP (The Miller’s Tale)

20130717-103111.jpgPhotography © LR Sarbu

Dear one, Miller,

I am making contact with you in response to your Craigslist posting “Seeking fortune. Have straw.” My name is Dr. Stiltskin, respected member of an African Nation (not Nigeria). I was entrusted with powers beyond the understanding of normal men like dancing around fires and making people guess my name. With these abilities, I have been able to gather an ample sum of funds and it is within my capacity to grant the fortune you seek by turning your straw into gold.

However, I am in the unfortunate position of being stuck in red tape and cannot procure a travel VISA to your country. You have come highly recommended as a greedy farmer who would sell the clothes off his daughter’s back for a profit. Therefore, I need you to be liaison between straw holdings and gold returns (currently estimated at the sum of 31.520.000 Euros). The only thing I ask in return is the possibility of a child in trade.

Therefore my proposition is this:
I am in need of an heir. My stature makes it so women do not take a second (or even first) look at me, an I am in desperate need of a child to continue the family scam business. In exchange for the fortune I am offering, I merely ask for your first grandchild (the newborn of your daughter). He/she will be well taken care of and hopefully continuing the fine tradition of trickery that my family is known for.

I must solicit your most extreme confidence in this transaction. I have included my “Top Secret” name below for trust purposes and hope this satisfies you to pursue this business relationship.

Yours sincerely,

DR. UMP L. STILKSKIN

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